As a teacher, I had the covid vacc, and then I got COVID itself. I didn’t get better. Horrible pain and headaches. Skipping the diagnostic issues, I was then diagnosed with IIH. Idiopathic intracranial hypertension. Basically, my brain is crushed by CSF. Medication did not work; I had to get a shunt. A spinal shunt. So it’s a device implanted, and a pipe runs from your spine to your belly and drains the fluid.

Complications never stopped. Revision surgery for a new valve on the device. Couldn’t work. I was off for months. In bed. I was finally medically boarded and could no longer work. Lost my career at 30. I got out of bed slowly by motivating myself to take photos of my garden and plants. This has grown into a sideline photography business (Wilder Reverie Photography), and I have found my passion.

In pain. In darkness. In loss…God showed me my true passion. But that does not mean everything stops.

I was diagnosed with Chiari malformation. My brain basically fell out of my skull. Extending into my spinal space. A major brain surgery to fix that.

My spinal shunt failed… …so I had to get a brain shunt.

Next brain surgery. Surgery was a success. But….

When I woke up, I was paralysed on the left. Brain swelling. I couldn’t move. Get off the bed of anything. Intense therapy to sit. Stand and walk. But two weeks later, I was out of the hospital. Walker for a week or two….and then I was okay. But never 100%. Left is still limper and weaker. But I drive. I homeschool.

Do I have basically constant pain somewhere? Yes.

Am I weaker? Yes.

Do I struggle? Yes.

I lost my hair. I had to get used to new limitations. I had to rely a lot on other people. In humiliation. In need.

In hospital at night…as the nerves were recovering…..I had muscle contractions that pushed me into bed. My husband had to shave my legs.

I had to use a bedpan for everything..nurses had to wipe and clean.

I had thoughts of how am I going to to do this? Force my family to take care of me like this? Nights were horrendous. Alone. Not being able to move or turn in bed. Hours felt like years. The spiritual attacks were extreme. But man oh man………did God show up. Did He show up and He turned it into a miracle show..

The physical therapist said she has never seen recovery that quick. They talked about weeks of rehab facilities. I didn’t even need it. Right doctors. Nurses and PT. God just made it flow so I can get back to my family.

I always pray for others for full healing. Strange enough, I just pray for myself to get by. And now …I am literally scared of NOTHING. Not a single setback, illness or death can shake me. And I realise that was what the furnace is about. Teaching you who and what God is. Tough times that shape you.

Can I be fully healed? Without a doubt. But I realise now that even though it might not happen. That I will be okay in any capacity to live for God. Share my passion and be a mom and wife.

Tough times are literally magic in my eyes. The miracles that have happened….. The spirit of God that has taken over. Showed up and changed the game. ….. Magnificent.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I will fear no evil.